December 15, 2004

Fat Rat, Dirty Rat

For a variety of reasons that will probably come to light later, I was a passive child. I didn't fight, I didn't even stand up for myself. All I wanted to do was disappear, to not be seen, to be invisible.

This, as you can imagine, painted a bullseye on me, achieveing the opposite of my intent. But that's neither here nor there.

There was one horrible little child, this rat-faced little prat, that I interacted with once. I still hate him, as stupid and useless as it may be to store that dislike even today, some thirty years later.

My grandmother and my aunt were antique dealers, so they often went around to find old things to buy. We were at one of their friend's or associate's homes this afternoon, a pleasant cluttered place, looking at god only knows what.

At some point I'm standing in the driveway outside and there is this smaller kid there too. All he can do is recite "fat rat, dirty rat" at me, using the words as some demented verbal assault. Following me, harassing, over and over, "fat rat, dirty rat, fat rat, dirty rat, fat rat dirty rat..."

I try to ignore home. So he increases his harassment, if I recall correctly, pushing at me while chanting "fat rat, dirty rat" over and over. I assume this did not go on forever, nor even for long. But it touched a nerve. I couldn't, or wouldn't, pound him into silence, though that is what I wanted to do. And I couldn't really endure the little shit, either. I don't know what I did... but whatever it was didn't work. I still carry this bit of anger inside, because of this brat... "fat rat, dirty rat".

At one point growing up I realized that this kid probably had a shitty childhood, too, and took his response to it in a different direction than I did. I realized that instead of hating him, I should probably feel sorry for him and his circumstances.

This realization did nothing for me. He was still an obnoxious little shit. If I had been someone else, I would have hit him. I probably should have.

I would now, given the chance. I don't put up with crap anymore. I don't have any more room to store it.

Posted by Edwin at December 15, 2004 03:48 PM
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